This is the time of year when it seems as though every newspaper or magazine you pick up is filled with lists of the 'best of 2002' or 'most unusual of 2002' or 'great achievements of 2002.' Well, I don't know about you, but I usually find myself tiring of that shtick before it even gets going. Yet at the same time, I am a writer and therefore also not immune to the lure of a column made easy by the slapping together of a point-form inventory of this or that, particularly as the 1st is fast approaching and deadlines beckon.
So here's my compromise. This month's feature is a list, that much I admit, but it's a list unlike most others you'll likely see this month. Because this isn't about what I accomplished or what made other people great (or bizarre), but rather it's about the things that I didn't get done this past year. The way I figure it, you read about what I do all year long, so it might be a refreshing change of pace to read about what I failed to do instead. So here it is:
Stephen Beaumont's Non-Accomplishments of 2002
Despite another year of drinking beer, I failed to get fat, develop any health problems, cause a car accident or become an indolent lout. Explain that, Mothers Against Drunk Driving and all the rest of the "alcohol is evil" zealots.
I also failed, despite persistent attempts, to convince any significant U.S. legislators that their country's ridiculous alcohol laws are prime suspects in many of their societal problems. So here it is once again: As long as you make alcohol a 'forbidden fruit' until the age of 21, which is to say three years after a person is legally deemed responsible enough to vote and serve in the military and five years after they're old enough to drive, kids will continue to want alcohol, find alcohol and get plastered on alcohol. Some of those kids will die because of it.
With absolutely no regrets, I missed Oktoberfest again this year. I did, however, enjoy a fabulous week in and around Munich in November and would recommend it as an Oktoberfest alternative to anyone who is interested.
With profound regrets, I missed the triennial Hop Festival in Poperinge, Belgium. Oh well, maybe I'll make 2005.
I didn't get my own reality television series. The studio execs said they didn't think audiences could handle that much reality.
I fell a few stops short of a full tour of the great beer bars of the United States, but I did pay visits to the Map Room in Chicago, d.b.a. in New York, Monk's in Philadelphia, the Toronado in San Francisco, the Great Lost Bear in Portland, Maine, and the Horse Brass in Portland, Oregon. Not a bad total for a single year.
Once again, I failed to arrange for myself a saké tour of Japan in 2002. Instead, I had to settle for New York City saké bars and the remarkably informative writings of John Gauntner at www.sake-world.com.
Likewise, I missed out on another attempt to explore the ever-expanding world of New Zealand beer. Like the Japan trip, this is one I'll be trying to pull together again this year.
I did not find the definitive Canadian beer. The quest continues.
I also didn't find the perfect British pub, although some, such as the White Horse in London, Coopers Tavern in Burton-on-Trent, the Bow Bar in Edinburgh and Johnsburn House in Balerno, came pretty close.
And finally, I once again failed to triumph over the ubiquitous advertising of megabreweries producing bland, pallid, yellow beers and convince the majority of the world's beer drinkers that ales and lagers with robust flavours and distinguished character can be a good thing.
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