Stephen Beaumont's World of BeerMay2005

 

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Feature Article

Flogging a Dead Horse - May 2005

"Draft" beer in the bottle is not draft beer, it's just bottled beer.

     Hops are good. More hops frequently are better. Hops that cause physical pain are just stupid.

     Beer contains alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant. Adding caffeine to beer is akin to creating a liquid speedball.

     Isn't "cold-filtered" a redundancy? Is anybody hot-filtering their beer? Anybody? Anybody? Buhler?

     Orson Wells said it best: "We will sell no wine (or beer) before its time." So what's with the cloying, overly alcoholic and obviously youthful ales on the market?

     Aftertaste in beer is not a bad thing, it's good. For that matter, so is taste.

     You can't crown yourself king of something. That's known as a dictatorship.

     Spices, fruit, wood-ageing, quintuple fermentation with multiple strains of yeast: It's all good. Go for it. But try to bear in mind, please, that at the end of the day somebody's got to drink the stuff.

     Fruit beer needs to tastes like beer flavoured with fruit. Not vaguely alcoholic-tasting fruit juice.

     Needing to be 21 years old to drink makes about as much sense as needing to be 21 to eat chocolate. Both substances are benign if consumed responsibly.

     'Nuff respect for the classics. Yes, they may have changed a bit through the years, but so have you, and your palate. No need to dis a great beer simply because your taste buds have moved on.

     Cold is a quantifiable quality imposed upon a can or bottle of beer through refrigeration. So no beer can automatically be deemed "the coldest" unless it's packaged in a self-chilling can that attains temperatures beyond those reachable through normal refrigeration.

     Mind you, I hear that just such a can is on its way, so maybe that argument is about to be rendered moot.

     Regardless, beer served so cold that you can't taste it is just stupid.

     "Crisp, clean and refreshing" are adjectives that perfectly describe spring water. Why would anyone want to use them to describe a beer?

     Drinking beer does not automatically render a guy incapable of showing respect towards women, so please ditch the sexist ads already.

     And by the way, women drink beer, too.

     Stronger is not necessarily better. Neither is hoppier, funkier, spicier or woodier.

     And there really IS such a thing as a bad beer.

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